Trusting Friends to enable Leadership
Barbra Carlisle • March 16, 2025
How friends can help us unlock our leadership potential
Taking on a senior leadership role, whether Project Director or Chair of the Board, is a significant milestone. When you think about why you took your last role do you recall seeking advice from others on whether the role was right for you?
Nick, in the throws of trying to recover from a stroke, was encouraged by a fried to write a blog. The friend had created a blog page in anticipation of Nick’s answer. Nick had been thinking about writing a book, but recovery was slow, so he accepted his friend’s challenge to start writing a blog. The blog gained momentum, ultimately resulting in a charity for stroke survivors being set up by Nick. Well timed actionable encouragement indeed!
We are often influenced by the advice and encouragement of colleagues and friends, even if in reality they know very little about what your
day job is!
While this support can be invaluable, it's essential to navigate the pros and cons of acting on others' advice and maintain control over your choices.
Pros and Cons of Acting on Others' Advice
Pros:
• Diverse Perspectives: Friends and colleagues can offer different viewpoints, helping you see challenges and opportunities from various angles.
• Emotional Support: Trusted friends provide encouragement and reassurance, boosting your confidence in making decisions.
• Experience Sharing: Colleagues who have faced similar situations can share valuable insights and lessons learned.
Cons:
• Over-Reliance: Relying too heavily on others' advice can lead to a lack of personal accountability and decision-making autonomy.
• Conflicting Opinions: Diverse perspectives can sometimes lead to conflicting advice, making it challenging to determine the best course of action.
• Pressure to Conform: Feeling obligated to follow friends' advice can result in decisions that don't align with your values or vision.
Staying in Control of Your Choices
To maintain control over your choices while benefiting from others' advice, consider the following strategies:
• Reflect
on Advice: Take time to reflect on the advice you receive and how it aligns with your goals and values.
• Seek
Multiple Opinions: Gather insights from various sources to ensure a well-rounded perspective.
• Trust
Your Instincts: Ultimately, trust your instincts and make decisions that feel right for you.
• Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to ensure that you remain the primary decision-maker in your leadership journey.
• Work with a Leadership Coach
who can challenge you in a non-judgemental way to help unlock your own thinking about a situation or an opportunity
Take a step now
If you want to find out more about Nick’s journey please visit The Unlikely Executive Podcast Episode #5 where I explore how Nick Clarke CEO of StrokeInformation stepped into his role.
If you are curious to know how other people’s actions and intentions influence your decisions come and join me on the 5 Voices for Teams programme where we cover personality preferences, communication, getting your message across and what it is like to be on the other side of you.
I support leaders in non-profit organisations and those passionate about Leadership for Good. My mission is to help leaders recognise their brilliance—and that of their teams—so growth is sustained and accelerated.
When I first stepped into a leadership role, I did what many of us do, I mirrored the leadership styles I had seen in action as a young professional. I had seen Cathy Garner at the Housing Corporation back in the mid 90s invite me to a senior level meeting and me to reply "Why Cathy I don't have anything useful to say" and her saying "Barbra it is about being in the room. Come, it will not be a waste of your time". Brilliant advice. I also sub consciously took in the directive leaders, the nice to face not quite so nice behind your back leaders and began to learn that leadership means different things to different people. I also experienced leaders who manipulated and coerced me into positions that were simply not comfortable for a young female professional. What I came to learn that I had to be naturally me as a leader. Yes I over share, yes I make light of things, yes I am a glass half full person. I worked on recognising when that style didn't bring the best out of the people around me and I flexed my style. Uncomfortable but definitely rewarding. We all have it in our gift to ask "what kind of leader do I actually want to be?" In today’s leadership landscape, especially in the charity and non-profit sector, authenticity isn’t just a nice-to-have — it’s essential. According to recent research from CIPD, only 26% of L&D leaders feel their organisations are truly receptive to their ideas. That disconnect often stems from leaders not feeling confident in their own voice, or unsure how to bring their full selves to the table. Or bringing their full selves without filters and being told they are too loud, too this or too that. Why your leadership style matters Your leadership style shapes how people experience you — and how they experience their work. When you lead in a way that aligns with your values and personality, you create psychological safety, trust, and clarity. When you lead in a way that feels performative or borrowed, it can create confusion or even mistrust. When you lead without any consideration of what it is like to be on the other side of you I am sorry to say you will fail. Because not everyone will work well with the natural you. At Glee Coaching, I often work with new CEOs and senior leaders who are still figuring out what kind of leader they want to be. Some are navigating imposter syndrome. Others are trying to balance being approachable with being strategic. The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all model. But there is a way to lead that feels like you — and that’s where the real impact happens. How to start finding your style Observe, but don’t copy. Learn from others, but filter it through your own values and strengths. Ask for feedback. Not just on performance, but on how people experience your leadership. Try tools that build self-awareness. Programmes like Discover Your Leadership Voice (which I run monthly) help leaders understand their natural communication style and how to adapt it to others. Reflect regularly. What’s working? What feels forced? What energises you? Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about being the clearest, most consistent version of yourself — and helping others do the same. Get in touch if you want to chat about how you can find your own style of leadership that works for you and those around you.
“I learnt a lot by going in and making the cups of tea, and hoovering up for them.” That quote came from Alan Adams, General Manager of Southport Flower Show and a guest on my podcast *The Unlikely Executive*. It stuck with me, not because it was about tea or hoovers ( though I do like the former, the latter less so), but because it captured something about a certain type of leadership: the insight that comes from experiencing all aspects of the organisation. I believe this links to leader empathy. In the charity sector, I have met three broad types of leaders 1. those who have 'worked' their way up 2. those who have pivoted from private to third sector and entered at a senior level (more about them in a later newsletter article) 3. those who have almost been pushed into leadership through personal circumstance (for example those who set up charities on the back of a personal trauma - again I will post about this at a later date) Today I want to focus on those who have worked their way up. They’ve been on the frontlines, run community events, answered helpline calls. That experience gives them a deep understanding of the people they serve and the teams they lead. But what if you didn’t start there? What if you came into leadership from another sector, or stepped into a senior role early in your career? Does that mean you’re missing something? Not necessarily. But it does mean you need to be intentional about how you connect with the frontline. Why it matters Leaders who understand the day-to-day realities of their teams make better decisions. They build more trust. They’re more likely to spot issues early and respond with empathy. In a recent People Management report, 41% of UK businesses now see learning and development as central to their strategy. That includes developing leaders who can connect across levels — not just manage from the top. How to build that connection (even if you didn’t start at the bottom) Spend time with your team. Not just in meetings, but in their world. Sit in on calls. Visit service sites. Ask questions. Listen without fixing. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is listen without jumping in with a solution. Be curious, not performative. People can tell when you’re ticking a box. Show genuine interest in their work and challenges. Share your own learning curve. Vulnerability builds trust. If you’re learning, say so. - my own personal favourite - have a work experience week - where you do a role that you have never tried before and take advice and guidance from the current postholder. At Glee, I work with leaders who want to lead with more empathy and impact — whether they started on the frontlines or not. What matters most is your willingness to understand, adapt, and grow. Because leadership isn’t about where you started. It’s about how you show up now.
