The secret sauce: Influence
Barbra Carlisle • July 9, 2025
The subtle art of influencing to build your leadership impact
As a leader you know you have influence, you know that people will listen to you, and in all likelihood do as you suggest. It is how you utilise your influence that will determine what type of leadership impact you have on those around you.
Whether you’re trying to shift culture, win support for a new idea, or champion inclusion influence is a key leadership skill. But for many, it’s a tricky balancing act.
How do you make change happen without coming across as forceful or aggressive? How do you influence people who don’t think like you, especially when what’s at stake really matters?
Here’s where skill, self-awareness, and empathy come together.
Influence does not equal Aggression
Let’s start by busting a myth: being assertive isn’t the same as being aggressive.
Assertive leaders speak up for what matters, clearly and calmly, without bull dozing others.
Aggressive leaders push their agenda regardless.
The difference? Assertive leaders stay connected to their values and to the relationship.
You can be clear and firm about your point and hold space for difference. That’s real influence.
Three Skills That Build Influence
Curiosity over convincing
Don’t assume you have to launch into persuasion. Start by listening. Ask what matters to the other person. Influence flows more easily when people feel heard. Maintaining silence and letting the other person express themselves is a form of influence. Try it some time.
Speak from shared values
Especially when trying to bring people on board with new or uncomfortable ideas (like improving equity or supporting underrepresented groups), connect your message to values they already care about like fairness, excellence, community.
Especially when trying to bring people on board with new or uncomfortable ideas (like improving equity or supporting underrepresented groups), connect your message to values they already care about like fairness, excellence, community.
Use stories, not just facts
Data matters. But stories stick. A personal story whether that is your own or someone else’s can shift perspectives more than spreadsheets ever will.
Influencing People Who Aren’t Like You
We all have unconscious preferences for people who think like us. But change rarely happens in echo chambers.
When you need to connect with someone whose background, identity, or worldview is different from yours:
- Start with respect, not assumptions.
- Avoid jargon or insider language.
- Focus on what matters to them, not just what matters to you.
- Be open to mutual influence, you might change too.
A Small Shift, A Big Impact
Influence isn’t about charisma. It’s about connection.
Next time you're tempted to “win them over,” pause. Instead, ask yourself:
“How can I help them feel seen, heard, and part of this?”
That’s the influence that sticks and the kind that shapes cultures for the better.
Ideas and thoughts on how to lead well through complexity and change
The Intergenerational Advantage: Why Construction Firms Who Blend Ages Will Outperform Everyone Else
If you’re worried about not having enough young people, including women coming into construction, you’re asking the wrong question. The real risk is what happens when you don’t use the people you already have properly. The Crisis No One Is Solving Properly Across the UK, the construction workforce is ageing faster than it’s being replenished. There are 20% more workers aged 55+ than under 25. And it gets worse: 35% of the workforce is now over 50, and only 20% is under 30. Yes this presents an industry risk, but closer to home we see organisational risk. Leaders worry about recruitment, apprenticeships, T levels, Skills Bootcamps all useful, but none of them address the real issue: Experience is walking out of the door every single day, and new capability isn’t being integrated fast enough. This is exactly what my conversation with Colin McEllin MCIOB of Clan Contracting highlighted. When a 21 year old commercial graduate joined Clan Contracting, Colin didn’t roll his eyes or think, “another kid who’s never been on a site.” He leaned into it and welcomes thoughts, ideas and advice from 'young Aaron'. Massive benefits for him, and Aaron, and the wider team. Why Intergenerational Leadership Is Now a Strategic Priority The construction sector is staring at a workforce cliff edge: • 140,000+ vacancies lie unfilled. • By 2036, 750,000 skilled workers will retire, stripping the industry of vital capability. • The UK will need nearly 1 million additional construction workers by 2032. Yet recruitment alone isn’t enough. You cannot hire your way out of this crisis. We must integrate generations on purpose, not by accident. What Younger Workers Bring (That Leaders Ignore at Their Peril) Younger talent offers: • Modern thinking around sustainability and digital tooling • Analytical approaches and better documentation habits • A willingness to question processes that haven't been updated since the 90s • A commercial lens shaped by newer training systems In Colin’s words, their thinking “took him right back to when he was 21” eager, energetic, ideas driven. You want that energy before they lose it. What Older Workers Bring (That You Can’t Replace) Your experienced people have: • 30+ years of instinct • Pattern recognition that no textbook teaches • Quiet influence that stabilises teams • Technical fluency on heritage, concrete, structure, sequencing, conservation, problem solving These people are your institutional memory. Once they go, they’re gone. And currently, UK engineering employers admit they only retain knowledge effectively from 57% of retiring staff. That is a crisis hiding in plain sight. Leadership Actions That Works 1. Create deliberate two way mentoring (not hierarchical mentoring). Younger staff teach digital skills, new processes, sustainability thinking. Older staff teach technical judgment, site sense, risk spotting. Both feel valued. 2. Give young people actual responsibility, not token tasks. The CITB plans 40,000+ industry placements a year. It means nothing if leaders hide young people in the corner. Let them make decisions, with support. 3. Systemise knowledge transfer. You cannot afford to rely on “ask Dave if you need help.” You need processes, templates, technical walkthroughs, shared documentation. 4. Remove the “that’s not how we do it here” reflex. 76% of construction workers say current training doesn’t adequately prepare people for the job. So your way probably isn’t the best way anymore. Your Competitive Advantage Is Sitting Right Under Your Nose When generations work in isolation, capability leaks. When generations work together, capability compounds. The firms who win over the next decade won’t be the ones who grab the talent, it will be the ones who blend talent. Listen to the full episode of the podcast here or watch on You Tube here About me I write about topics that my podcast guests bring to the podcast. They have years of experience with challenges and opportunities along the way, highs and lows and are in the thick of leading with purpose and passion, faults an'all. As a coach and trainer I work with leaders and their times to help them thrive, laugh, enjoy their work, be productive and to build teams of all ages.
We love what we do so we grow in that role, we end up as leader with people around us but we want to stay doing the thing we love doing. Balancing leadership is hard.
