The secret sauce: Influence
Barbra Carlisle • July 9, 2025
The subtle art of influencing to build your leadership impact
As a leader you know you have influence, you know that people will listen to you, and in all likelihood do as you suggest. It is how you utilise your influence that will determine what type of leadership impact you have on those around you.
Whether you’re trying to shift culture, win support for a new idea, or champion inclusion influence is a key leadership skill. But for many, it’s a tricky balancing act.
How do you make change happen without coming across as forceful or aggressive? How do you influence people who don’t think like you, especially when what’s at stake really matters?
Here’s where skill, self-awareness, and empathy come together.
Influence does not equal Aggression
Let’s start by busting a myth: being assertive isn’t the same as being aggressive.
Assertive leaders speak up for what matters, clearly and calmly, without bull dozing others.
Aggressive leaders push their agenda regardless.
The difference? Assertive leaders stay connected to their values and to the relationship.
You can be clear and firm about your point and hold space for difference. That’s real influence.
Three Skills That Build Influence
Curiosity over convincing
Don’t assume you have to launch into persuasion. Start by listening. Ask what matters to the other person. Influence flows more easily when people feel heard. Maintaining silence and letting the other person express themselves is a form of influence. Try it some time.
Speak from shared values
Especially when trying to bring people on board with new or uncomfortable ideas (like improving equity or supporting underrepresented groups), connect your message to values they already care about like fairness, excellence, community.
Especially when trying to bring people on board with new or uncomfortable ideas (like improving equity or supporting underrepresented groups), connect your message to values they already care about like fairness, excellence, community.
Use stories, not just facts
Data matters. But stories stick. A personal story whether that is your own or someone else’s can shift perspectives more than spreadsheets ever will.
Influencing People Who Aren’t Like You
We all have unconscious preferences for people who think like us. But change rarely happens in echo chambers.
When you need to connect with someone whose background, identity, or worldview is different from yours:
- Start with respect, not assumptions.
- Avoid jargon or insider language.
- Focus on what matters to them, not just what matters to you.
- Be open to mutual influence, you might change too.
A Small Shift, A Big Impact
Influence isn’t about charisma. It’s about connection.
Next time you're tempted to “win them over,” pause. Instead, ask yourself:
“How can I help them feel seen, heard, and part of this?”
That’s the influence that sticks and the kind that shapes cultures for the better.
Explore how a CEO lives their values to shape culture, build trust, and lead with purpose. Includes 5 actionable tips for values-driven leadership.
Leadership is as much about emotional resilience as it is about strategy. This may hold particularly true for social purpose organisations in the UK. One CEO of a social purpose organisation, Sophie Livingstone CEO of Little Village said in The Unlikely Executive Podcast "All challenges are about how you hold yourself together" At the heart of Sophie's words is the recognition of the importance, indeed the imperative for leaders to be emotionally intelligent. Recent UK-based research by ChangingPoint underscores this, revealing that 25% greater leadership wellbeing is associated with higher emotional intelligence Leaders who cultivate emotional resilience are better equipped to: navigate uncertainty, manage stress, maintain self care support their teams through change. This is especially critical in environments like Little Village, where the demand for services far exceeds capacity, and the emotional toll of witnessing poverty is high. HR Magazine further supports this shift, noting that adaptability and empathy are now strategic imperatives. The concept of Adaptability Quotient (AQ) which is the ability to thrive in constant change is emerging as a key leadership trait along with Relational Intelligence. . Leaders with high AQ and RI are better placed to thrive, drive transformation, even in resource-constrained settings. Sophie’s practice of “reminding myself that everything in the middle feels like failure” reflects a deep self-awareness. It’s a recognition that leadership is not linear, and that resilience often means holding space for ambiguity and discomfort. This aligns with NHS England’s Culture and Leadership Programme, which promotes compassionate leadership as a foundation for inclusive and effective organisational cultures. In sum, emotional resilience is not a soft skill it’s a strategic asset. Leaders like Sophie demonstrate that by investing in their own emotional development, they can better serve their teams, their mission, and the communities they support. Here are 5 tips to support your resilience as a leader 1. Practice Reflective Journaling Take 10 minutes at the end of each day to reflect on emotional highs and lows. This builds self-awareness and helps identify triggers and patterns. 2. Develop a Personal Resilience Plan Use tools like the CIPD’s Wellbeing Framework to assess your stressors and create strategies for managing them—such as boundaries, rest, and support systems. 3. Engage in Peer Coaching or Supervision Regular sessions with fellow leaders or coaches provide a safe space to process challenges and gain perspective. This is especially valuable in emotionally demanding sectors. 4 Learn to Reframe Setbacks Adopt Sophie’s mindset: “Everything in the middle feels like failure.” Reframing challenges as part of growth helps maintain motivation and clarity. 5. Invest in Emotional Intelligence Training Explore programmes that will support your emotional intelligence and why not invest for your team's growth as well. You can experience strength in empathy, self-regulation, and interpersonal skills. If you would like to receive news please subscribe.
