The secret sauce: Influence
Barbra Carlisle • July 9, 2025
The subtle art of influencing to build your leadership impact
As a leader you know you have influence, you know that people will listen to you, and in all likelihood do as you suggest. It is how you utilise your influence that will determine what type of leadership impact you have on those around you.
Whether you’re trying to shift culture, win support for a new idea, or champion inclusion influence is a key leadership skill. But for many, it’s a tricky balancing act.
How do you make change happen without coming across as forceful or aggressive? How do you influence people who don’t think like you, especially when what’s at stake really matters?
Here’s where skill, self-awareness, and empathy come together.
Influence does not equal Aggression
Let’s start by busting a myth: being assertive isn’t the same as being aggressive.
Assertive leaders speak up for what matters, clearly and calmly, without bull dozing others.
Aggressive leaders push their agenda regardless.
The difference? Assertive leaders stay connected to their values and to the relationship.
You can be clear and firm about your point and hold space for difference. That’s real influence.
Three Skills That Build Influence
Curiosity over convincing
Don’t assume you have to launch into persuasion. Start by listening. Ask what matters to the other person. Influence flows more easily when people feel heard. Maintaining silence and letting the other person express themselves is a form of influence. Try it some time.
Speak from shared values
Especially when trying to bring people on board with new or uncomfortable ideas (like improving equity or supporting underrepresented groups), connect your message to values they already care about like fairness, excellence, community.
Especially when trying to bring people on board with new or uncomfortable ideas (like improving equity or supporting underrepresented groups), connect your message to values they already care about like fairness, excellence, community.
Use stories, not just facts
Data matters. But stories stick. A personal story whether that is your own or someone else’s can shift perspectives more than spreadsheets ever will.
Influencing People Who Aren’t Like You
We all have unconscious preferences for people who think like us. But change rarely happens in echo chambers.
When you need to connect with someone whose background, identity, or worldview is different from yours:
- Start with respect, not assumptions.
- Avoid jargon or insider language.
- Focus on what matters to them, not just what matters to you.
- Be open to mutual influence, you might change too.
A Small Shift, A Big Impact
Influence isn’t about charisma. It’s about connection.
Next time you're tempted to “win them over,” pause. Instead, ask yourself:
“How can I help them feel seen, heard, and part of this?”
That’s the influence that sticks and the kind that shapes cultures for the better.
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