Confidence, Capability & the CEO Question – What Makes Us Step Up?
Barbra Carlisle • October 17, 2025
Use the support you have around you - believe the positive things people say about you!
“I wasn’t particularly clever…
I never had that motivation, or possible confidence to think 'I'm going to get to the top'…
but I could, and I am here.”
Trisha Pickersgill’s CEO of Crash
words echo a common experience among new leaders: the moment when external validation sparks internal ambition.
According to EY’s CEO Confidence Index,
confident leaders are more likely to take bold strategic actions, pursue innovation, and build high-performing teams.
But confidence doesn’t always come from within, as humans we want connection, we want to be seen,. So when it comes to helping us see ourselves in the bigger picture what people say to you does matter.
When a friend, colleague or family members says “You could do this.” sit with it, believe them, and then crucially - act!
There are three paradoxes that hold new leaders back:
- underestimating their agency,
- fearing reputational risk,
- avoiding opposition.
Breaking through these requires support, reflection, and sometimes, a nudge from others.
Sometimes, it’s not a personal ambition that drives us. It’s the quiet confidence others place in us. Their belief becomes the spark.
🌱 Encouragement can plant the idea
🌱 Respect can nurture it
🌱 Opportunity can help it grow
Tips for New Leaders:
• Listen to the compliments. They’re not just kind words—they’re data points about your impact.
• Ask yourself: What would I do if I believed I could? This question helps shift mindset from doubt to possibility.
• Create a feedback loop. Regular coaching or mentoring sessions can help you process external validation and turn it into action.
Who saw potential in you before you did? What did it change?
If you’re wondering whether you’re ready to step up, let’s explore it together. I coach leaders who are ready to fly—and build teams that soar with them.
Ideas and thoughts on how to lead well through complexity and change
How leaders can manage redundancies well
Senior leadership comes with an unspoken contract. Be decisive but do not intimidate people. Be confident but do not dominate the room. Be passionate but tone it down. Be resilient but do not show strain. One senior leader described it like this: “People want you to be assertive but not assertive. Strong but weak. Passionate but not showing too much passion.” If that sounds contradictory, it is. And yet this is what many experienced leaders carry every day, quietly. When experience does not equal belonging In a recent conversation with a Technical Director who has spent over 20 years in a male‑dominated industry, one question stayed with me: “When do I get to belong?” This was not said from a place of insecurity or inexperience. This was someone who: - leads large, complex programmes - manages global teams - has built capability from the ground up - is objectively successful And still feels the need to prove herself again and again. That constant internal checking, am I being too much, am I not enough, is exhausting. Not because leaders cannot handle pressure. Because the rules keep shifting. The pressure nobody notices Many senior leaders normalise the strain. They tell themselves: - this is just the job - others have it worse - I can push a bit longer Until the body intervenes. One moment shared was stark. Working across multiple major projects, sleeping badly, always saying yes. And then the body simply stopped cooperating. A breakdown that arrived without warning. Not drama. Not failure. Feedback. What resilience actually looked like The shift did not come from wellness slogans or better time management. It came from three grounded changes. 1. Capacity boundaries A clear rule. If something new comes in, something else must move out. Not because of weakness. Because leadership requires judgement about capacity, not endless commitment. 2. Progress over perfection Daily focus on what can realistically move forward. Two completed tasks is not underperformance. It is momentum. 3. Perspective under pressure A recurring reminder in difficult moments: “No one is going to die.” This is not dismissive. It is grounding. It brings leaders out of panic mode and back into proportion. The quiet truth about senior leadership At the top, pressure does not disappear. It simply becomes less visible. Strong leaders are not struggling because they lack resilience. They struggle when they are expected to absorb contradiction, manage everyone else’s comfort, and never acknowledge the cost. Leadership is not about being everything at once. It is about being clear enough to lead without erasing yourself. If this resonates, it is not because you are failing. It is because you are carrying more than most people see.
