Setting up a business with Friends
Barbra Carlisle • April 16, 2025
Setting up business with a friend - a blessing or a curse?
Introduction
Starting a business with friends is thrilling. There is an overarching sense of relief that you don't have to do it alone -you can do it with your bestie! yay!
Fast forward 18 months, and the Yay! can turn into Nay!
Misaligned expectations, unspoken assumptions, and personality clashes often threaten what was once a shared vision. How can co-directors stay aligned—and stay friends?
The Research
The UK’s ScaleUp Institute (2022) found that the biggest internal challenge to scale-up growth isn’t funding or sales—it’s leadership alignment. Misalignment at the top leads to strategic drift, team confusion, and burnout.
The London Business School’s study on entrepreneurial team dynamics (Lechler & Ensley, 2021) highlights that psychological safety, clear communication, and complementary leadership styles are essential for co-founder success.
The Voice of Alignment
Most founder teams don’t fall apart because they disagree on what they want to build. It’s how they build it—how they make decisions, how they handle conflict, how they communicate under pressure.
One founder might lead with relentless vision, what I call the Pioneer perspective, while another is carefully evaluating risk (taking a Guardian perspective). One might want harmony above all else (Nurturer), and another thrives on energy and visibility (Connector). The key is not to flatten those differences, but to name and honour them.”
As a co-director of a brilliant social research agency Michael and I were super excited when we set out - we even got to take clients with us! Yay!
However our personalities and life stage were so so different that tensions started to arise.
- One of us wanted to renegotiate the agreed starting salary - one of us didn't
- One of us was a laissez faire leader, one of us wasn't
- One of us put our people first, one of us didn't
- One of us blended work with social life, the other just wanted to go home and be with their family
- One of us was single and footloose, one of us was married with responsibilities.
None of the above were unresolvable but we were unable to resolve due to lack of appreciation of each other, and pressures from around us. I wish I had sought out the support of a coach, I would have loved it if we had both had coaching before it was too late.
The Call
If you’re building something with someone you respect and care about, take the time to build how you build. A business plan is vital—but so is a relationship plan. Talk to one another about your needs and desires, and share your observations on how you think the relationship, not just the business is going.
Let’s ensure your founding team is aligned not just on the product, but on purpose, pace, and process.
If you want to run through your thoughts get in touch with me, I would love to be able to help you, and your friend, be totally awesome!
https://zcal.co/barbracarlisle/30min
When I first stepped into a leadership role, I did what many of us do, I mirrored the leadership styles I had seen in action as a young professional. I had seen Cathy Garner at the Housing Corporation back in the mid 90s invite me to a senior level meeting and me to reply "Why Cathy I don't have anything useful to say" and her saying "Barbra it is about being in the room. Come, it will not be a waste of your time". Brilliant advice. I also sub consciously took in the directive leaders, the nice to face not quite so nice behind your back leaders and began to learn that leadership means different things to different people. I also experienced leaders who manipulated and coerced me into positions that were simply not comfortable for a young female professional. What I came to learn that I had to be naturally me as a leader. Yes I over share, yes I make light of things, yes I am a glass half full person. I worked on recognising when that style didn't bring the best out of the people around me and I flexed my style. Uncomfortable but definitely rewarding. We all have it in our gift to ask "what kind of leader do I actually want to be?" In today’s leadership landscape, especially in the charity and non-profit sector, authenticity isn’t just a nice-to-have — it’s essential. According to recent research from CIPD, only 26% of L&D leaders feel their organisations are truly receptive to their ideas. That disconnect often stems from leaders not feeling confident in their own voice, or unsure how to bring their full selves to the table. Or bringing their full selves without filters and being told they are too loud, too this or too that. Why your leadership style matters Your leadership style shapes how people experience you — and how they experience their work. When you lead in a way that aligns with your values and personality, you create psychological safety, trust, and clarity. When you lead in a way that feels performative or borrowed, it can create confusion or even mistrust. When you lead without any consideration of what it is like to be on the other side of you I am sorry to say you will fail. Because not everyone will work well with the natural you. At Glee Coaching, I often work with new CEOs and senior leaders who are still figuring out what kind of leader they want to be. Some are navigating imposter syndrome. Others are trying to balance being approachable with being strategic. The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all model. But there is a way to lead that feels like you — and that’s where the real impact happens. How to start finding your style Observe, but don’t copy. Learn from others, but filter it through your own values and strengths. Ask for feedback. Not just on performance, but on how people experience your leadership. Try tools that build self-awareness. Programmes like Discover Your Leadership Voice (which I run monthly) help leaders understand their natural communication style and how to adapt it to others. Reflect regularly. What’s working? What feels forced? What energises you? Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about being the clearest, most consistent version of yourself — and helping others do the same. Get in touch if you want to chat about how you can find your own style of leadership that works for you and those around you.
“I learnt a lot by going in and making the cups of tea, and hoovering up for them.” That quote came from Alan Adams, General Manager of Southport Flower Show and a guest on my podcast *The Unlikely Executive*. It stuck with me, not because it was about tea or hoovers ( though I do like the former, the latter less so), but because it captured something about a certain type of leadership: the insight that comes from experiencing all aspects of the organisation. I believe this links to leader empathy. In the charity sector, I have met three broad types of leaders 1. those who have 'worked' their way up 2. those who have pivoted from private to third sector and entered at a senior level (more about them in a later newsletter article) 3. those who have almost been pushed into leadership through personal circumstance (for example those who set up charities on the back of a personal trauma - again I will post about this at a later date) Today I want to focus on those who have worked their way up. They’ve been on the frontlines, run community events, answered helpline calls. That experience gives them a deep understanding of the people they serve and the teams they lead. But what if you didn’t start there? What if you came into leadership from another sector, or stepped into a senior role early in your career? Does that mean you’re missing something? Not necessarily. But it does mean you need to be intentional about how you connect with the frontline. Why it matters Leaders who understand the day-to-day realities of their teams make better decisions. They build more trust. They’re more likely to spot issues early and respond with empathy. In a recent People Management report, 41% of UK businesses now see learning and development as central to their strategy. That includes developing leaders who can connect across levels — not just manage from the top. How to build that connection (even if you didn’t start at the bottom) Spend time with your team. Not just in meetings, but in their world. Sit in on calls. Visit service sites. Ask questions. Listen without fixing. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is listen without jumping in with a solution. Be curious, not performative. People can tell when you’re ticking a box. Show genuine interest in their work and challenges. Share your own learning curve. Vulnerability builds trust. If you’re learning, say so. - my own personal favourite - have a work experience week - where you do a role that you have never tried before and take advice and guidance from the current postholder. At Glee, I work with leaders who want to lead with more empathy and impact — whether they started on the frontlines or not. What matters most is your willingness to understand, adapt, and grow. Because leadership isn’t about where you started. It’s about how you show up now.
