Why We Feel Shame When We Succeed and Why Stating Your Job Title Feels So Hard
Barbra Carlisle • February 26, 2026
A psychological explanation for a very common leadership struggle
It sounds counterintuitive but many people feel more shame when they succeed than when they fail.
Leaders describe the same sensation: an urge to minimise achievements, downplay their role, or avoid using job titles that signal authority.
The psychology beneath “success shame”
Research shows that shame is a social emotion triggered when we feel we’re not meeting internal or external expectations, or when we fear being judged for who we are rather than what we did.
Success raises the stakes.
As visibility increases, so does the fear of exposure.
This is the foundation of imposter syndrome,
which affects up to 70% of high-performing individuals, especially when stepping into roles that carry authority.
According to psychologists, imposter syndrome is characterised by persistent self-doubt, attributing success to luck, and fear of being “found out.”
Why job titles trigger discomfort
Job titles serve as identity markers and identity is where shame hits hardest.
Psychological research distinguishes:
- Embarrassment (“I did something silly”)
- Guilt (“I did something wrong”)
- Shame (“There is something wrong with me”)
Shame, not embarrassment, is the emotion most tied to identity, which explains why stating a job title can feel exposing.
Many leaders fear that owning their title invites scrutiny they may not live up to. This internal conflict intensifies with success, when expectations feel higher, visibility increases and vulnerability rises.
Others fear social disapproval or judgment for appearing “too confident.”
The evolutionary and cultural roots
Shame evolved as a mechanism to maintain group cohesion, effectively a social brake to prevent behaviours that risk group rejection.
Modern workplace dynamics amplify this: senior roles often come with public accountability, performance pressures and comparison with peers.
Psychology research highlights that success can activate the same vulnerability circuits as failure, just in different ways.
Practical ways leaders can reduce “success shame”
1. Name it. Recognising shame reduces its power, literally bringing it into conscious awareness disrupts avoidance.
2. Separate identity from performance. Your role describes what you do, not who you are.
3. Rehearse your job title neutrally. Build comfort stating it without caveats or humour.
4. Assign credit accurately. Neither minimising nor inflating your contribution: just being factual.
5. Use mentoring or coaching to normalise visibility discomfort. Exposure is easier when shared.
The leaders who struggle most with shame are often the ones who care deeply, lead well and hold themselves to high standards.
But owning your authority isn’t arrogance, it’s clarity. And you deserve it!
If you are struggling with your identity as a leader just get in touch and we can talk. email barbra@gleecoaching.com
Ideas and thoughts on how to lead well through complexity and change
A Sector Under Pressure The UK construction industry is slowly diversifying which is great news. BUT the data shows progress is still painfully uneven. Women now make up around 14.7–15% of the overall UK construction workforce based on recent ONS and industry reports, but only 1–2% work in on-site trades, and just 7% hold senior leadership positions. Even when women enter the sector, they are disproportionately funnelled into administration, design or management support roles rather than operational or technical tracks. Industry surveys show 81% of women are in admin/design roles while only 1% are in skilled trades, highlighting the structural gap in visibility and progression. Why mentoring matters and why it’s missing Women repeatedly point to lack of visibility, sponsorship and informed guidance as barriers that begin as early as secondary school. Studies report that young women still receive outdated or discouraging advice about construction careers from school mentors and advisors. Even once inside the industry, women may find it difficult to find the right mentors who understand the cultural terrain: navigating male-dominated teams, bias (one in three women experience workplace gender bias), and the isolation of being the only woman on a team or site. Formal mentoring programmes like Construction for Women have shown measurable benefits like - increasing confidence - improving retention - widening access - access to new opportunities - better understanding on how to navigate a career in construction BUT uptake across the broader sector is inconsistent. We need more active mentors who show up for their mentees. The commercial case for mentoring The push for more mentors isn't just a touchy feely nice thing to do - it makes absolute business sense. - Diverse teams make better decisions and solve problems more effectively. - Companies with strong inclusion practices see higher productivity and retention. - A wider talent pipeline protects the industry from skills shortages. Evidence from diversity and inclusion studies shows that representation boosts performance, innovation and workforce stability. Practical steps construction leaders can take now 1. Build structured mentorship pathways not informal “tap on the shoulder” systems that favour those who look like current leadership. 2. Integrate mentoring into apprenticeship routes especially for young women entering technical roles. 3. Champion internal female role models as visibility is fuel. 4. Track progression data by gender: eliminate blind spots in promotion and training. 5. Equip male leaders to mentor women effectively as this isn’t just “women supporting women”; it’s about shared responsibility. 6. Use an external specialist like a qualified coach or mentor to support your male and female mentors, providing a safe space for them to learn and share their experiences of mentoring, and gaining practical skills like listening as well. Mentoring isn’t a “nice-to-have”. It’s the infrastructure that enables women not only to enter the sector but to stay, grow and lead. If you want to find our more about mentoring programme support email barbra@gleecoaching.co.uk
inclusion, equity, sustainability, human factors, human rights, diversity, all words used to talk about cultures that create positive financial returns
